Some Like It Hot (for Jack Lemmon)

Forever Fred Astaire

心情不好的时候，居然放上了这样一段视频，估计是物极必反吧。。。

Unexpected calm

Sophia on her way to fundraising!
Damn it...
Have fun!

Barbican

终于去到了传说中的Barbican，朝拜了那个神圣的地方。下决心还是11月要去看Ulysses, 于是被人说我geeky...可这正是电影的精妙之处。

p.s.:前天看了Billy Wilder的 The Apartment ——是楼下那人自称的 favorite (当然不知道有没有Carlsberg作祟的成分)。不过确实是一部很sweet的电影，里面的男主人公也的确是我见过的one of the sweetest boys.

最近很想看的电影导演或演员的作品摘录如下：
Jacques Demy
Afred Astair
The Hungarian Cinema

before the project kicks off!

A film I hope to screen for CITY EYE, should the project be funded.
fingers crossed!

Dorian Gray

Since when bi-sexuality is a moral issue...

Solitude

听着Ryuichi Sakamoto的Solitude, 哭了。

When nonsense is making its way to meaningful discourse...

Chapter 2

2.1 Bodily Measurement

- streetwalking

- repetition / absence

- confrontation

2.2 From Inhabitation to Intimacy

I'm not making sense, am I?

Deadline is calling...

Sophia it's fine, and you will be fine.

I suddenly found myself so bad at doing critical summary, maybe it's just because I couldn't even understand what the hell these people are talking about. The flatness two-dimensinal haptic (Antonia Lant), and the Touch of Memory through body (Luara Marks)...OMG, give me a break...I think comparatively speaking, I would prefer Bruno. At least, she is (neo-)realism, and cinematic, and three-dimensional and emotional.

The Power of Suggestion

期待已久的见面是终于见了，然后整个人像是失去中心一般就点着头，然后在不是很适当的时候说出了自己的意见，然后慢慢反悔说还是同志们说的对，小的我“头一遭”。最后，在大家都能量脑力怠尽的时候，我们终于说出了“再见”和“保持联系”的字眼。尽管我从来喜欢看到事情的阴暗面，但是不得不说我们已经起步了，并且前途光明，如果我们坚持努力奋勇前进，并且我能不断自我鼓励。

M.P.: We are doing good.

S: Don't worry, Sophia, you are getting there.

Ball is rolling, for God's sake.

On my way to the First Chapter

For the sake of my own insanity, I decide to give the reduced partial outline as to save my life:

Chapter One: HC in DB

1.1 HV and B

- His.

- HV in DB

1.2 HV and Spa

- From B to S

- B in C

Then, please fill in the rest of the chapter...with your incredible imagination

感

1. 给有关人士email一般要3天以后才能期待得到回复，并且回复的内容不是说肯定或者否定，而是说最近太忙还没有来得及过目；
2. 当有关人士终于扫视了一边之后，十分诚恳地答应与你面谈，于是时间为某一天上午某一个小时某个角落+only；
3. 后来得知，其实花几个星期才回email的有关人士才正常，我已经是备受礼遇了!
4. 于是，我才知道感恩与‘不知廉耻’,‘随时随地', '竭尽夸张’地甩卖自己的idea!

Diary sucks

于是我又一次没有意外地受挫了，这样的事件将在以后的三个月内无以计数地发生着，而我还是要坚持做一个顽强的斗士，永远地努力尝试着，等待着我的亲爱的S来到我旁边的小镇。

世事循环，当我应该要离开的时候，她来了，于是我也不走了。若不是这样，我可能也没有如此坚定执着地要在这个城市待下去，毕竟对于一个企图波西米亚的人‘总是离开’才是生存和生活地方式。不过，即使是S同学来了，我也是要离开的，只是想着有个地方可以回了，因为她在那儿。

这算是这个漫长的Essay writing season中一点激动和兴奋吧，也给我了坚持以下几个月的信心。

话说这周五要去Hye-on-Wye,一个传说中有30个bookshop的小镇。当地的小姐很热心不尽给我找了一个room，于是我不用camping着回味自己的cultural shock，而且还把安放在了press office，所以我也能真正地做点更有用的事儿。我想着是否找寻点礼物给予她小姐捏？

今天帮助Ben同志改论文，真的是很是帮忙的说，陪了整整一天的说，谁叫他用一种几乎giving up hope的语气。在proofread了四遍之后还亲自上手改写句子，甚至该给他弄in-text的reference。他说他从来没有这样被人上过English Lecture，我说这也太傻逼了吧，到底谁是native-speaker啊...说实话，真不是道他是如何在如此糟糕的reference的状态下存活的，不过读了他的论文会还真认为他应该继续拍电影，别再写东西了- quoted from Ben...
关于他话说要在play zombie的时候幻想我的death，这样的Best friend不要也罢啊...

其实我觉得Christina是可怜的。她说她满足在tripod中生活着，可是她却不知道我这一脚已经不在她的所谓tripod中了。只有Ben在场的时候，我才会主动和她hang out，否则，她永远都不可能hear from me. 那天跟Micheala说她真是没有什么朋友啊除了这个tripod之外，而且就算有也是两个不怎么交往的美国人。如果我不听她，她就真的没人可说了，不然就是和美国的朋友打电话。可是，我不是Jesus Christ，我没有博爱，没有将别人的快乐建立在自己的痛苦之上的伟大与高尚，所以不好意思，我没有时间对付你，请你自觉。你愿意说就说，但是我不会听，更不会respond。今天有同学跑来给我说，‘Now she is in Germany, so you are alone.’怎么听上去这么奇怪的一句话，她走了我既不高兴也不难过，完全没感觉的说。可是大家都错误地认为了一
个。。。

Anyway,我完全期待在H-O-W的10天，给我点时间离开Brizzle去接近另一部分的Britain，认识些新的朋友，也许有一些新的connection，有人可以打线牵桥之类，就不用让我这么辛苦的说。

M说想和我meet properly, not bumping into each other randomly with the presence of Steven. Steven是个好同志，也是个knowledgeable的通知，可是总是觉得他生分的，难以接近的，这样的人我碰不动，坚定了一个。

当然除了这所有所有生活的琐事之外，有一件除了dissertation writing的大事我还在努力地做着，就算是我的summer project: ASW。如果真的做成了，有一个人将是第一个知道的，就算我永远上不了那位同志的网站，就算那位同志再也没有用那个email address，就算那个同志已经部分永久性地失忆，但是我remember everything in a surrealistic way.

Third Person

Sophia believes when God shuts one window, he opens another door for you.
Sophia tends to believe she has the basic senses of making right friends.
Sophia is willing to believe that she has the power to work out a better life.
Sophia prefers to speak in Third Person.

Unavoidable

'Eye contact should be avoided' --J'taime Paris.

'Football should be avoided' -- Sophia

Non-place -- Everywhere/Nowhere

Today, I was talking to my supervisor about Marc Ague's non-places. She said that this concept according to him is a 'site' which is physically lack of identity, neither one nor another. However, what I would like to do is to extend this objective 'non-place' to a subjective 'non-place' feeling, which refers to a sentimental carried by any individual within him/herself that motivate him/her to interpret this 'place' as 'non-place'. One problem I found here is what is the source of the subjective 'non-place' feeling? If like I will basically argue in my screening nation paper, is the temporary financial contractual relationship undermines the 'places' which makes them a 'non-place' for the users of the space. Despite that, what else? My supervisor suggested me not too much focus on the bigger picture, say the 'post-s'. Well, I'm still afraid I will lack the social background if it hangs too much in the air. We talked a lot about the undefinable places with its openness. Suddenly, a name jumped out of my mouth 'DOREEN MASSEY'. Then, the turning of the talk came. After this name, we went on the endless philosophical, anthropological, psychological talks. After I spoke of my worry of whether my dissertation would not too much cinematic but too cultural or anthropological, I definitely don't know how we came to talk about psychology, and definitely have no clue how I should mention 'LACAN'. Then, later came the enunciation, the utterance, the unconsciousness, the temporal and spatial lag in-between, (yes, 'in-between' is another term dominating our talk) that initiates the desire for the subject of enunciation to look back and generate the latter utterance. Though somehow I haven't quite yet establish this between what I am trying to say, the subjective non-place feelings, but what I am 100% sure is WHY AM I SETTING MYSELF SUCH A MISSION IMPOSSIBLE!

I have to say this was a really nice talk cause when both of us expressed the feeling of being an immigrant, or to be precise and safe, a frequent traveler, this feeling of hardly belonging to a certain place, possibility to be easily affected by the new milieu, the readiness and willing to change accompanying with the resistance to change. This is the new life of flowing populations. This is the globalization for us, or at least for me.

After all, I don't want to read Lacan, Doreen Massey, Michel de Certeau, but now it seems I have to in order to graduate... My life in the next 6 months is doomed....

In This World

It is a docudrama by Michael Winterbottom. I primarily watched it for the inspiration for my other essay on THE SILENCE OF LORNA. This film turns out to be really impressive and powerful in the way it draws spectators intensely on the character's fate as their bodies move through the landscape.

This can be said to be a rather simple film about two Afghan refugees originally living at the camp at Peshawar, Pakistan decide to go to London through the trade with people smugglers. On the way, one of the guys died because of illness, and the younger boy made his way to London on his own, and found a job at their compatriot's restaurant. On the other hand, this film is extremely complicated, especially in terms of it's composition. Mostly filmed with the hand-held camera, the film delivers a sense of documentary while depicting the journey life of the two diaspor-to-be. In order to cross the border and prevent being caught by the patrols, they have to hide in various kinds of trucks, some of which are for shipping fruits, some for animals, some for other goods. People are hidden in those commodities, which are produced in those poorer countries or regions to be sold and communed in a relatively wealthier countries and regions. Behind the flow of goods and money, are the flow of population. This is the very truth of demography nowadays. Once they arrive at a new stop, they only have one contact number which they can rely on in order to move further, and they have to pay to move on. Thus, the human relationship is totally reduced to a fragile and economical one, without any guarantee. As well, in order to get away with custom investigation at the border, those fled refugees have to abandon their identity at all: they have to change the currency, change their cloth, take off their caps, which are deemed to be shit, and they also have to learn some simple language, even the English is not a safe strategy. However, there is one thing they cannot abandon: their religion. The film shows the older guy takes the advantage of a street platform, and pray to the east where their God resides.

Though a docudrama most likely without the staging and much depends on the improvisation, these authentic and natural mise-en-scene renders the film a heavy tone on the immigration issue facing the world and the core-periphery relation nowadays. (The moving landscape is another element needs to be addressed)

Perhaps, it could be one of my dissertation films.

Departures

I think it should be said to be a good film, even if not an excellent one. It is a story of people fighting with dying memory, if not so much superficially dealing with death. The protagonist had a rather unhappy childhood as his father abandoned the family for another woman. His career is also not a promising or steady one. Being forced to give up the cello, he took his wife went back to the little town of his youth, and finally got a job as decorating the dead people. As the story evolve, he overcomes the disgust first felt when the job begins, and then moves to form a kinda of empathy with the dead and their families, and finally, he learns the forgiveness and went to decorate his father's dead body. In the parallel of the protagonist's mental changes, are that of his wife, and the normal conception of the job prevailed in the town. In the end, the dead of an unfaithful father is constituted by the coming of the new life.

For me, it is too well-structured, and the narrative advances in a reasonable, somehow predictable way. However, what moves me is the slow rhythm it employs to allow sufficient time for the story and changes of characters to be convincing, and the audience enough time to contemplate. In particular, the repetitive and detailed description of the decoration rituals throughout the whole film transforms it into a ritual itself. The moment when the old man presses the button to light the fire to burn the body, I crashed. It brought up the memory of my childhood when I witnessed the burning of my grandpa's body. It was the first time that death came so close to me. It was strange that the two feelings are different. At that time, I cried mostly because of the sudden loss I felt in my life, and the sadness of not seeing a close relative any more. It was much more like a feeling can be easily alienated. In comparison, this time, the push of button brought back to me a sense of desperation, a certain sense of fear, and at the same time, more closeness to a world awaiting me, as if I can almost foresee my own future, the emptiness of my bed, my room, and the ashes of my lost physicality. But above all, I felt the longing for being with my parents. Their absence, or rather my absence, will never be compensated, or made up for. It will be a loss forever.

Too much off the point.
That's it.

必须的？

当我思考城市与电影的时候， 我发现: Film Festival vs. Urban Culture.
这个发现有个！！的预兆。

Alone

This should be the first time since I've been in Bristol that I watched a film alone in such a small cinema with a few people only. I have to say I quite enjoyed it, and it's like no one else has the power to disturb you and control you. And the space is for me, and for me only, as long as I would love to prefer.