Time to grow up

I split out all these fucking stuff in my chest after a serious drunk on thxgiving, and I am not feeling shame, but release. Not, you are actually out of my system, or rather lingering on the edge of my outer layer, at least one layer furthur from my the deepest part of my heart since I remember Christina told me: "you need to have another/a new identity", which I have been telling myself for the last two years, and now I understand it's just the phantom of my life, alway phantom, and always of life...

Happy Thanskgiving. I really am. Sorry for some souls.

刘烨——let's wait and see

图自：《保持通话》

刘烨是可以longevity的！

There is nothing I hate more than SUNSHINE

晚间杂记

首先感叹musician是cool的，也是great的，他们的studio是世界上最美丽的地盘之一！！！

众多的人群在我的房间里做editting，dubbing，playing，and laughing。。。这是世界上最美丽的project，虽然我们missing the male protagonist(s)。

严重声明：我不是食品生产商，也不是供应商，更不是charity shop，所以没有永远免费的午餐。。。或着晚餐

San Soleil

It takes time to really think over this film but I will buy one. Here, I just quote a few sentences from it:

"Because I know that time is always time. And place is always and only place..." (T.S Eliot, Ash-Wednesday)

"The history treated bitter for those who expected it to be sugar content."

"question whether this is my dream, or the totality of the dreams put on the city projection."

"All I have to offer is myself." (Chris Marker, 1997)

I shall watch it again, and write more, for sure.

从明天开始……

面朝大海，春暖花开

海子


从明天起，做一个幸福的人
喂马，劈柴，周游世界
从明天起，关心粮食和蔬菜
我有一所房子，面朝大海，春暖花开

从明天起，和每一个亲人通信
告诉他们我的幸福
那幸福的闪电告诉我的
我将告诉每一个人

给每一条河每一座山取一个温暖的名字
陌生人，我也为你祝福
愿你有一个灿烂的前程
愿你有情人终成眷属
愿你在尘世获得幸福
我只愿面朝大海，春暖花开

Traffic---openning (TBC)

(Images of the dream, a body is falling down from one building.
Ambiguous voiceover of a man: “Isn’t it beautiful, Sarah? Beautiful~”)

(Sarah woke up, with earphones on)

Voiceover: Same. Again. But glad you didn’t turn around to look at me in the end, which relieves me from the haunting guilt sense at least for today.

(Sarah opens the curtain, but closed the window. Looking through the window, POV, city in the morning, sunrise in the distance)
“Now, it is all quiet. Silent. As dead.”
(Sequence: washing, cleaning, dressing, going out. Camera stays indoor.)

VO: This city is all about traffic (bus and cars moving in front of her) This lady goes to Forever for mocha every morning, and meets me here at 7.30. We never talk. Maybe, she never has noticed me. But I enjoy her company, standing between the zombie lines with her. Such a fleeting moment when I am not alone, I feel so free yet not free enough.”

(Siren beeping. Sarah and the lday cross the road, departing into two opposed directions. Sarah walks pass a gas station.)

VO: I suppose this is the same gas station I would go by every night, even if I couldn’t really tell. (A glimpse of the guy in the gas station, filling up for customers) I envy him, watching people coming and leaving, never troubled to figure out the back story of them. He is happy. He should be.”
(Already turning the corner, walking on the half-empty street)

(Pushing open a glass door of a café, then entering a locker room, walking by a few people)
VO: I… (cut short by a guy’s shouting )”
Boss: So, here you are! How many times I told you to keep your phone on.
VO: I try to…
Boss: Listen! There is no time off, there is always business!
Sarah: (not surprised) What?
Boss: What? You tell me what?
Did you take out the order to Mr. James?
Sarah: …
I did. I thought.
Boss: You thought? Since when “you thought”? I told you to deliver it yourself, didn’t I? Why
you sent that black dude? Who do you think you are?
Sarah: …
Boss: No lunch today! (Slammed the door, out)

Sarah: (no emotion at all; undress herself, looking into the mirror of the locker, a few girls talking)
VO: I try to imagine other people’s life, instead of looking at mine.(Looks at herself in the mirrow for a sec, quickly closes the door, putting on a cap, which written “Forever, café”)

Ignore me

I dunno know why I feel so fucking tired. I am definitely not a person who can put up with so huge business. I need someone be my side. S, I think of you at this time of moment, when I am so weak. I have work with men and women. I have to talk to them and discuss with them, which almost kills me. I cannot do it even though I am doing it. I am not confident enough that I can pull it through, even we are almost near to the end. I dunno. I just fell even if we make it, which is highly possible, I am gonna crash down. Totally crash down...

I need you, my dear.

我想我还是喜欢周老师的！

S "Confucius" C

When I saw this view, I immediately thought of ... Then, I told them:"I don't wanna live in this house. I wanna be the house. " They thought it was me being thoughtful, though they just missed the subtext.

Can monolgue become dialogue?

I don't really know why, but this feeling keeps haunting me.

What's for the 2-minute video, and what's for the dialogue? I just have a monologue.

"I keep telling myself you are just an illusion or worse than an illusion. Have you ever existed in my life?
I have your pictures and pictures of you in my computer. I don't dare look at them except for two. I believe they belong to me as I took them for you.
I don't know whether I should feel proud or pitiful for my obsession with people's back. It is only your hand and bag I photoed. What is your face? Have I ever seen your face?
I said it's worse than an illusion. But I kept such illusion until today. "

"Today is my birthday. I keep my eyes open until sun goes up. I don't celebrate my birthday since 5 years ago. They used to say I am young, but now they don't really remember whether it is true or not. I telephoned my father. He is asleep. He asked me about my study, my work and my future plan. And I said nothing but good night."

"Why I keep saying Good Night to people, when the alarm clock fails to wake me up. You never appear in my dream. I was in wetland, one bare tree erecting in the middle. I thought it was you and I am swimming forward. Why don't you give me your hand? Can't you see I am drowning myself toward you? You smiled, waved: 'Have you ever tried to stand up when the lift goes down?' You started to push me down and pulled me up, but inevitably failed. I looked into the mirror, I wake up."

"Wake my up! Why you keep me asleep? You are flying above, while I am lying below."

"I never tried to fall, but you push me down and never pull me up."

"When your plane lost it gravity, my life fall."

This is my dialogue.