行city—R

去了好多天的R城，给别人说的理由和心里的理由到底有多冲突我是想不明白的也是不想明白的。生活中的目的性太强，有时候会事与愿违的。

试图实现每天看4部电影的伟大壮举，但是我还是免不了告诉自己这阳光好的让人觉得如果失去就对不起自己。这一束束的阳光骄傲地洒在大地上，我踏着自己的影子，心里想着到底是在哪里，心在哪里。

一个小时的时差也是时差，总惦记着加一个小时，也许他们还在暗房里激动地翻阅着胶片，我就这样努力地看着达利的Surrealism。走近了NAi，但只是走近了而已。不明白为什么自己没有进去，因为心里一直怀疑architecture最适合的气候是室外的新鲜空气，那museum里面会有什么了，不过是记忆里的模型吧，我想L也是不一定喜欢的（当然这只是我的臆想）。所以我选择和M去Tilted Cube。原来他的奇妙是需要我们抬头仰望，从不同角度欣赏的。同一片天空，从不同的方位，被房顶切割划分成了不同的形状，竟然也有猫咪一样的模样，L应该是会赞叹的 （当然这仍然是我的臆想）。

除此之外，我为了买到一张二手的Rainmaker差点误了自己的火车。我的身影在三天里平均每天出没在满是黑色黄色人种的唐人街上，我所有失败的企图，没有人会知道，因为他什么都看不到。我告诉自己何必呢，谁会在乎。不过一句满不尽心的谢谢而已。那天走之前告诉P君说3月份会去捷克，匈牙利，奥地利，然后再去巴黎。我给他说我会成为了波西米亚，可是这三天看见了真正的波西米亚，我还是想settle down，我没有体力支持永远的激情澎湃。只是这永远只出现一次的二手碟店在那天我放弃后就永远消失了，但是这是我试图让自己忘记的努力，MS将永远继续。

Themeless

Last night, the usual nightmare haunted me again after so many nights. I thought I have been better and the terrible feeling of being criminal in living my life is gone, but now it seems it just went for a vocation and come back again. It is me who is stuck at this place, and never leave.

Someone help me? which is always seems unrealistic and not necessary for me. I am the person who pushes people away, and how am I supposed to resort to them while they are adrift.

I just fear sleep even more. Maybe fours hours will be good for me.

p.s.: I also miss you G. Take care!

永遠年輕，永遠熱淚盈眶 From M

“找到一句可以形容自己的遭遇”

Perpetually writing an essay

I am reading you sign, God

In my culture, this isn't nothing...

我想我还是成长了一个的，对于过于伤脑筋和消耗睡眠的text analysis我是不再做了。可能是Roland Barthes拯救了我，也许是我老了，没有了精气神，在我每天只能睡5个小时的情况下。

一天变得好长，一天里相同的路数又变的重复，上帝让我看见我不能解释的现象（n.b.3 times/day）。虽然我不信上帝，但是我相信这是某种启示，我还是个聪明的孩子。

My culture taught me well.

The Last Night

I don't how I managed this, but this crazy three way conversation I cannot deal with it anymore. END !

Memory kills

Can I be forgetful in a surrealistic way?

puzzled circle

I woke up from a dream of him, but I told myself I would like to talk to...
I wasted the ticket for him two years ago, but now...
I just thought life goes in full circle.
Maybe there was a chance meeting on one night on the street in one city in my country in 2006
You will never know.

Day for Night (Ian)

Again I cannot sleep because of my lovely friend called "anxiety". I ask myself what it is about this time? The blackness answers: "why not see the light instead of puzzling your weary brain." Then I finished three movies Tom gave me.

I couldn't sleep no matter it's night or day. This fear toward darkness is overwhelming. Though I like darkness, the darkness at day is made up by myself, not created by nature, which is totally out of my control. I am sunk into it, the endless "hopeless emptiness". "Revolutionary Road" is "a childlike dream never fulfilled", but I enjoy this line, and this line only.

The world is judged by logic and rations. All creatures living in it is bound by it. That's why I'm always looking down the precipitous cliff, a place where you can fall with gravity in the last minute, but can recover from ascending against it in the next minute, though I am not sure where I should be going up to. I am not a religious person.

Day or Night doesn't make a difference to me as I can call myself "suffering from the witness of time passing by in front of my eyes relentlessly."

I am drown.

How long?

How long can I hold on like this? deceiving myself with a substitute?
Ocean's apart...